Many of my friends are still single and dating. I only ever went on one date as a result of Internet dating and that was many years ago. I have never used Tinder and from a far it seems a bit cold. The thought of someone just callously swiping you away, somehow seems like the scene is very much based on appearances and not so much personality. Don't get me wrong, I know attraction is very much a physical and chemical thing. But a picture on a screen does not establish a chemistry either. When I look at most male models, while I can see they are attractive and have ridiculously good bodies, I rarely fall in love with them. Even as a teenager reading Cosmo or Cleo, the descriptions didn't make me fall in love either. Wow they might have a compatible star sign or be into Prince like I was. It does not mean that if we met, it would be a fairy tale. Friends have told me that often internet dating is about a guy who is after just one thing and there is also the fear that they are still dating heaps of other people after you meet - they have a whole cattle market to choose from after all.
Relationships to me are about everything, chemistry, friendship, excitement, caring, physicality, humour, loyalty, everything. I think some elements without them all, would somehow feel quite empty. I know some very powerful relationships have begun on the internet and I guess my main point here is it doesn't really matter how you meet, it is about what happens when you do. My friends are too old to play games, but then don't want to have to cut straight to the chase and scare them away when only dating someone for just a couple of weeks. There seems to be a plethora of guys in their late 30s/early 40s who have Peter Pan syndrome, or maybe they just haven't met the right girl. When you really fall for someone, you don't stop and ask "Am I looking for a relationship?" or "Hang on this is getting to serious" like a fast sweeping river it takes you along and you have no choice, but to follow that current. Love is all consuming and all accepting. Tinder is the new personals column, but with much easier and instant mass access. I think love is better the old fashioned way, but maybe that is just me. My advice to singles, is to go out, have fun, meet eyes across the room, laugh, be merry, be happy being single - that's when I have always seemed to meet someone.
I was thinking about love and what it actually is. In countries that believe in arranged marriages, they think romantic love is deceptive and short-lived - and that two people should grow into love for it to be true and authentic. Pop songs and film make you believe that love is the butterflies, chemistry and sexual attraction you feel when you are first together. Also some poetry/songs make out you don't even realise you were in love until it is gone = see Roxette "Must have been love". Does this mean love is transient and unattainable? Perhaps. What about the platonic love you feel for friends and family and pets? It is definitely not as passionate as romantic love but you could argue it is more solid or stronger. I do think love can come and go and I also think there is eternal and fleeting love. I have definitely thought I was in love in the past - many many times, on looking back maybe half of them I did love and not ever really in every way. I perhaps loved the idea of them, their company, their looks, their friendship, bur perhaps not everything at the same time. It is also said you cannot love another person properly until you fully love yourself. I would somehow agree with this, but then you do have to learn to love yourself and only through experimenting with love do you realise what you will and won't accept in a partner. Falling in love is breath-taking, yes that is why all the songs are written about it, but staying in love, that takes real skill, perseverance, work, patience and luck.
Many people will contribute to this blog - it will be advising you to fill the gap that is left in your heart after a break up with love for yourself until you radiate!